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Advice From Sonia: Love is in the Small Things

Infusing love into the everyday details of living is the first step toward creating the life of our dreams

By Sonia Choquette

As we gradually awaken to love, we often set ourselves up for failure by believing we must now do extraordinary acts to prove to others and ourselves that we are, indeed, loving. Unfortunately, even the best-laid intentions in this direction will probably get undermined because the treadmill of mundane life doesn’t allow for it. And besides, needing to be extraordinary in any way is still your ego talking and not your heart.

It is much more realistic to forget about extraordinary gestures of love, and simply love extraordinarily in the mundane gestures of life. When serving breakfast to your kids, for example, be a little more patient, and smile instead of tossing their cereal in front of them with a surly, “Hurry up or you’ll be late!” Or when you’re opening the morning paper, ask your spouse, “What section would you like to read first this morning?” and then hand it over.

In other words, when it comes to being loving, every gesture, every moment throughout the day, affords you an opportunity to be so. It isn’t so much what you do that demonstrates love, as it is the attitude in which you do it. When I was a teenager, I often called my father in the late hours of the evening to come and get me from somewhere because I didn’t have a car and needed to get home. He showed up every time, and more importantly he came lovingly. He never guilt tripped me or made a big deal about it either. He just quietly did what I needed and that was that. His acts of love were founded in his consistency. I had the benefit of knowing I could count on him, which laid a foundation of security under my feet.

My mother had her own way of turning the small matters of life into opportunities to love as well. When I was a kid, if we needed a costume, a dress or some special thing to wear, my mother would stop everything and get to work. Not only did she sew, she did it with great enthusiasm! The best way to usher love into your life is to do what you must, but lovingly. And if you must do something you don’t exactly want to, use it as an opportunity to practice.

When I first became a flight attendant, I found I wasn’t particularly good at it, because I didn’t like to serve people over and over again. In fact I resented it, which made the job unbearable. I called my teacher, Charlie, one day and said, “I hate this job. I am destined to be greater than this!” He laughed at me and asked, “Greater than what?”

“Greater than serving coffee, tea and bad food all day to cranky passengers. I want to be an intuitive and a healer, not a flight attendant!”

Charlie was silent for a moment, and then he said, “Until you serve everyone you encounter with love in your heart, you are not worthy or capable of helping anyone. Without love, you have no power whatsoever. Love is the power. Every passenger on board is your teacher. You are arrogant in distancing yourself from them. Each one of those passengers holds the spirit of God within them, and until you see that, you don’t see anything that would qualify you as an intuitive or a healer. Now go back to work and quit your complaining. Be grateful to those passengers. The more unpleasant they are, the more they are helping you learn to love!”

That was a slap in the face for me. And yet he was right. I did have a bad attitude, and it was making me, and everyone I was in contact with, miserable. I decided that day to change my attitude and do my job with love, and over night the job transformed. I began to enjoy the people and have more fun. I even got better trips, which was a miracle because my job was seniority based, and I was two people from the bottom. The real surprise came when I was asked to take over a purser’s job and do the first-class service from Chicago to London every weekend for a year. It was like getting a paid vacation once a week. It was probably one of the best times I’ve ever had in my life.

When I did my work with love, no matter what work it was, life became a joy. That is the secret to opening your heart. In that generous decision to surrender your ego and participate fully, without withholding, without separating yourself, without needing to be special, without wanting something special in return, life bursts wide open too, and brings you every possible gift you can imagine and more. Life lived lovingly restores balance and attracts grace more than any other way. It’s easy, once you decide that you want to.

Mother Theresa summed it up best when she said, “I do not do great things. I only do small things with great love.”

Our heart chakra spins out of balance when we fall out of touch with both ourselves and others, and neglect to provide ourselves what we need in order to remain nurtured and nurturing. The best remedies for the heart chakra are the sweet and soul nurturing activities in life that leave us feeling cared for, connected to others and receptive to all the blessings of the Universe.

One method for balancing a heart chakra that is too wide open is to identify what is really important to you and become 100 percent committed to showing up for it. This investment in time and energy means reclaiming energy that has been devoted to others for you. This doesn’t mean you need to be selfish. It does mean you need to be self-loving. With the exception of your children, reserve your energy to take care of yourself. Only then can you honestly be available to love someone else in a balanced way.

This may be a very different message than the one most of us received growing up. We were told that receiving was “selfish” and giving was “good.” My master teacher, Jesus Christ’s message is, “love your neighbor as yourself” not “love your neighbor instead of yourself.”

We need to be in tune with our own hearts in order to act lovingly toward others. Genuine love is an easy flow that first begins in our own center and moves outward like gentle ripples in a lake.


Sonia Choquette is a spiritual teacher, six-sensory consultant, storyteller and visionary guide known for her delightful humor and skill in quickly shifting people out of difficulty and into flow. She is the author of 19 bestselling books on intuitive awakening, personal growth, creativity and transformational leadership, including The New York Times bestseller “The Answer Is Simple.” Her work has been published in more than 37 languages, making her one of the most widely read experts in her field. For more information, visit www.SoniaChoquette.com.