At the 2nd annual Emerging Women Live conference “Changing the World Through Feminine Leadership and Entrepreneurship,” in New York City, author of “The Fire Starter Sessions,” and “The Desire Map,” Danielle LaPorte took the stage on last day of the summit and offered laughter, advice and inspiration to the audience.
“Everything in your life had led you to right now,” she started off her talk saying to the audience, explaining the importance of self-love. “When you really practice self love, and really protect yourself, honor yourself and protect your ideals, and when you make your desires your prayers, you will not necessarily be very popular. Loving yourself does not guarantee that you will get loved. But I can guarantee that loving yourself that way you will be misunderstood. You will look to some, unloving. You will look like a crazy lady.”
When we begin to wake up to what we want, and what we deserve, there are things that become unacceptable to us, and we can begin to make more conscious choices in our life, she said.
“The short hand for self-love is this — you have a choice,” said LaPorte. “Joy is a choice, and there is so much to be grateful for in life. We learn through contrast and fear, and for self-love, all you need to say to yourself in every moment is ‘ I have a choice. I have a choice.’ Sometimes you will choose to do things that are uncomfortable, but you can make those choices consciously.”
She then asked the audience to throw out words and improv speak based on the words. Here is what she said:
Grief — It catches you off guard and can be an uncontrollable feminine, said LaPorte. “She comes in waves when you least expect it, and she demands your full presence,” she said, explaining sometimes we have responsibilities to handle and have to hit the pause button and compartmentalize, but make sure we feel the grief within the first 24 hours. “You have to make a date for the tears.”
Grace — “Grace is the cousin of synchronicity,” said LaPorte. “Every single thing is the universe communicating with you.”
Obligation — This goes back to self-love and choice. We believe we are obligated to pay our mortgage, take care of ailing parents, feed our children, but these are really choices. “Reframe obligation into choice, and the stress of the situation will heal itself,” LaPorte shared.
Ambition, Money and Power — These are all from the second chakra, and we should never apologize for our ambition, she told the audience. “Be fierce, but flexible,” she said, recalling a conversation she had with a Lama, where she explained she found it ironic we all pursue enlightenment with a certain intensity, but Buddhism teaches about detachment, and it always puzzled her.
“He explained there will always be desire,” said LaPorte. “You will always be attached. The question is are you being pushy about it. I’m a pushy bitch, and she usually shows up at 11:30 at night, where I will just check five more emails. She loves to look at her dayplanner and make sure everything is in order, and make sure everyone is doing what they are suppose to be doing.”
She learned to stop pushing, and at first felt naked because who would she be if she was not pushing, but realized “you will hire good people, meditate, take your supplements, be in the intelligent hear and will allow.”
Regret — For most people regret is for the things they did not do. For La Porte, it is the times she didn’t say ‘I love you,’ and she does that now and it makes a big difference in her life. “Always choose your friends over the deadline,” she shared. “Choose your friends over your credit card. Put the airplane ticket on your credit card and make the flight. Go to the wedding. Go to the baptism. surprise them. You don’t need to re-carpet your house, you need to take a vacation with your friends.”